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Centauri Satellite
3) Travel the UNIVERSE
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Legal Galaxy
When hitchhiking through the galaxy of life, most of the unexpected hurdles and bumps usually have some kind of legal ramifications. This is why every traveller in life must be armed with a small guide that states “Don’t Panic” in large red letters on its cover to guide them through the tricky gaseous swamp of the Law. For example, an unsuspecting person may be traversing life and minding their own business, when suddenly the Mega-Corporation they work for reduces benefits, extends work hours, and generally behaves in a nasty, alien sort of way, suitable only to Vogons. That poor innocent hitchhiker now seems to be on the verge of being expelled into a financial vacuum, losing all funds in the process! However, armed with the correct legal advice, it is possible to solve these little bumps and tremors of the journey. The following examples are the five most common legal phenomenons an unsuspecting hitchhiker can encounter along the road!
The Property Black Hole:
Many green (behind the ears and otherwise) hitchhikers are lured into this most attractive looking black hole. Even the most free-spirited traveller can be attracted by promises of ownership of a little patch of space. Ownership of your own little piece of space does have some serious gravitational problems that can suck you straight into a big black hole for infinity. Even the simple act of conveyance, the transfer of the title from the seller to the buyer, can be a legal minefield. Checking for mortgages can destroy credit rating (making that interstellar ticket to the other side of the Milky Way an even more remote possibility), and conveyancing takes an awful lot of time. This means, of course, that you can lose that property you want to build your haven on if the owner gazumps you (that is, accepts a higher bid after he already accepted yours). How to avoid the property black hole? Make sure you navigate it properly with a conveyancing solicitor. Hiring a conveyancing solicitor is like having a top-notch navigator, one who has specific instructions on navigating black holes. This, of course, assists you to achieve your goal of a home.
The Personal Injury Nebula Cloud:
It is easy to get lost in the murky depths of the personal injury nebula cloud. There is a lot of static and noise here, not to speak of the physical pain that originated from the personal injury. Whether you are the injured party or the sued party, do not try to traverse through this nebula on your own. One thing for sure, you'll get lost. Completely, utterly, hopelessly lost. Personal Injury is one of the murkiest areas in the legal galaxy. All the noise and static are emanating from the thousands of personal injury lawyers advertising on the airwaves, as well as the millions of personal injury claims out there. How is it possible to traverse and navigate this area with so much noise and dust? Ignore all that static and noise, first and foremost. Do not, under any circumstances, listen to those passing infomercial satellites selling personal injury solicitors. These satellites are littering the nebula so badly that many misguided travellers are led astray. Make sure you take advice from hitchhikers that successfully travelled this nebula. Read up and research your personal injury from legitimate sources, after all, the entire legal library is now on the web. Since personal injury can span lawsuit sizes from a little moon (i.e. a branch from your neighbour’s tree fell and broke your wrist) to an entire galaxy (i.e. you are a space buggy manufacturer being sued by 20,000 little green aliens from Proxima 9 because the seat belts caused a flesh eating rash), it is important to have a really good solicitor to help you navigate.
The Employment Pulsar:
The Employment Pulsar can be tricky, the trickiest of the tricky biscuits. The Galaxy has some pretty strict employment laws, especially in the UK sector, and evil Mega-Corporations are always looking to get around this. It is very easy to get sucked into this pulsar, since it’s bright and shiny. Your wages, the hours you work, your benefits, are in deadly danger in the employment pulsar. Do not be attracted by shiny promises of future rewards and benefits! The Pulsar is a deadly phenomenon. Only a good employment law solicitor knows how to navigate this terror. Remember, DON’T PANIC. If the evil Mega-Corporation (or even just a small wannabe evil corporation) lowers benefits, pay, or tampers with your hours, hire yourself a good navigator and blow them to smithereens. Otherwise, the pulsar may suck you in, strip you of all your cash, and dump you somewhere you’ve never seen before, with no help in sight.
The Divorce Binary System:
Unfortunately, sometimes a hitchhiking partnership must be dissolved. Perhaps your wife ran off with the President of the Galaxy in the Infinite Improbability Drive ship. Perhaps you met a sweet Alpha Centauri girl with the loveliest green hair. Or perhaps you just want to go in different directions: you to the diamond beaches of Vega, and she to the heady swamps of Betelgeuse. Navigating this binary system can get somewhat tricky, as there are two strong forces, each pulling the system apart. It is very easy to get caught between the gravity tug of war and stretch out to nearly infinity. It is best to navigate a divorce binary system as carefully as possible. Only a highly skilled navigator, such as a divorce solicitor, can sense where the opposing forces can tear you apart and navigate through that. Of course, some binary systems are much easier than others, with low gravity pressure. The gravity of the binary stars rises in direct proportion to the amount of property and number of offspring involved in the separation. After all, it is very difficult to create a separation in a binary solar system. A tear in the space-time fabric can occur if the binary system is not navigated carefully.
The Vast Expanse of Space:
Obviously, hitchhiking through life brings you to many new places. You may even sell and buy several little havens until you find a permanent one. Always hire a navigator locally. There is a lot of distance between different areas of life. For example, if you have recently moved to the Cassiopeia constellation, you wouldn’t want to look for solicitors in Nottingham, would you? Make sure that when you hire a legal navigator on your travels, he is knowledgeable about the particular problem you have, and that they are located nearby. A legal navigator way out in the outer reaches of the galaxy can’t deal with a big black hole a thousand light years away!
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